JANE BAUER: MARRY ME!

Dearest Jane, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love how your pet name is Connie B.

I love the way you drool on your pillow and mumble "Hitchens, Hitchens, Hitchens ..." all night long.

I love the way you find a new way to slander good people like Deanna Cook-Shannon and Andy Lieffort every day.

I love the way your cold black heart is the size of a burnt match.

I love how you refuse to stick your chin out when you attack your enemies.

I love how you believe you are the boss of New Richmond and you try to push people around.

I love how you kick around and humiliate anyone you want to run off the plantation.

I love how you seek revenge and want to make people pay for what they did.

I love how you are a smart coward.

Mostly, I love how you are trying to destroy the New Richmond schools.

Dearest Jane, please leave Rick Hinz and Bob Sievert and come away with me to paradise. I will toast you with coffee champagne forevermore!