3/26/2006

Baker Unveils Madison Ave. Campaign Ads

How To Vote 101 Baker Style

Hudson School Board Candidate James Baker today unveiled
his multi-penny campaign media blitz to convince Hudson voters
that despite the fact that most property tax payers saw a decrease in this year's taxe bill , the Baker team is convinced that taxes are skyrocketing a whopping 82%.
Baker could not be reached for comment on the media blitz but his campaign spokesman and media advisor Taxboy said.
"Mr. Baker's tax levy calculations are a clear demonstration of the "new fuzzy math" and an admission that "fuzzy math" can work when you want it to." The campaign also demonstrates that "The same high quality product can be produced without spending a penny".
"Just judge for yourself. Look at the quality & graphic craftmanship in our new campaign signs."
The Madison Ave. firm of Wheeze, Shawnuff, Killbear and Bubonic, were hired to design and roll out the new campaign.
Head designer Wheeze commented "We knew we were on a tight budget, but the design team was successful in achieving the Retro- Depression Era Farm Auction look that Mr. Baker requested.
"I'm proud of the results." said Wheeze.





















Mr. Baker took advantage of the media roll out to announce his secret plan to raise math and science test
scores. Mr.Baker's fiscally conservative ( some say cheap skate ) approach was plainly evident as he
revealed his plans to downgrade or in his words "make use of appropriate technology" in the new, more
efficient labs. Baker was quoted earlier as saying " You don't NEED running water to do good science.
He also alluded to his plans to institute what he calls "lean" education. Under the Baker model, facilities would be rolled in ( literally ) on a "just in time " basis, as many union busting manufacturers do. "I've heard FEMA has an over supply of these units which we can take advantage of and save the taxpayer additional money"

Baker used the latest "hand crank technology" computing system, similar to the ones design for 3rd world nations without electricity, to project his pointless power slide show before an audience of his supporters. Many leaving the gathering were heard mumbling, "He could have cut more fat from the budget".















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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I graduated from HHS in 1973 and we didn't have none of them fancy hand-crank calculators. We used slide rules.

On the running water, did Galileo have running water? No. Copernicus? No. The Dukes of Hazard? No. (Actually they had "creek water," they say in West Virginia.)

Anonymous said...

Can you believe someone actually made these signs and put them up for people to see? Is anyone really that stupid? Can anyone be this totally desparate and brain-dead? God, the best thing that could happen for Baker would be for someone to steal them as soon as possible. The Anti-Baker Newton Field Coffee Crowd won't touch them, I promise. They are just too precious to the Anybody But Baker movement. Thank you for pointing out the upside-down test tube, and the Retro-Depression Era Farm Action look. Far and away the best laugh I had all week.

Andy Rand said...

Did I say Retro-Depression Era Farm Action? I meant auction.
I'll get right on that.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jim Bob,
I knew Galileo,
Galileo was a freind of mine,
You ain't no Galileo.

Anonymous said...

I think that rocket looks like a commercial for Viagra.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I think it's a subliminal bullet vote.

Anonymous said...

It sort of looks like a supository (see Watch Dog Watcher for proper spelling).

Anonymous said...

I wonder what Freud would say about that "Rocket"?

Anonymous said...

Gee, that Freud guy was a dirty old
cuss. Isn't he Austrian? Why isn't he
on OTBL analyzing the rest of that bunch?