There has been quite a bit of conspiracy here in Hudson about the alleged capacity of the so-called government schools. The district is very conspiratorial when it comes to alleged class sizes and how space is utilized. Rumors are flying like saucers that the district is continuing to bring in students from Elmwood, Wisconsin and Roswell, New Mexico. We continue to add valuable (yes I mean valuable) classes like Why Is There A Pyramid With An Eye In On The Back Of My Dollar Bill and Advanced Austrian Economics For Future Wal-Mart Workers. We continue to add additional administrators like the newly hired coordinator of duct tape removal. We continue to add programs like Basic Building Technics for Free Masons. Still we refuse to allow students to purchase nuts over the Internet. This must be some kind of violation of a Constitutional amendment. And we do all of that while complaining (well at least the John Birchers do) of hardly having enough space in the high school parking lot to park a big ugly truck with the words "Vescere bracis meis" painted on the side of it.
It has been learned that the www.ontheborderline.net has pulled all it's CSI resources currently investigating the mysterious threat letter and put them to work investigate the conspiracies swirling around the plan for another school referendum.
In investigating the so-called "building committee," the OTBL investigators have discovered a newsletter indicating what they thought was the maximum capacity of our schools 25 kids. As you can see, our current facility, pictured on the left, should be able to hold up to 30 kids and maybe more with the flu epidemic and many of the children dropping out of school to work in the mines and mills. The school administration is pushing for a fancy, ultra-modern school facility much like that on the right. Can teachers' unions be far behind.
This discovered newsletter was published in May of 1897. We are sure it was the brainchild of the grandfather of the long dead E. P. Rock. The newsletter was reportedly purchased from a former paperboy of the famous educator who says EP Rock never gave him a tip at Christmas time. The letter was meant to scare people into thinking that our school would soon be approaching its capacity. Just because many of us OnTheBorderLine disagree with anything that anybody says that we didn't say first, doesn't mean they are idiots -- it means they are probably Marxist, socialists or collectivists or, worse yet, all three of those. Because of this, we try to keep an open and cordial debate on our blog site. Click here or here for examples of our open-minded discussions. (Please note the Tim Russert story is made up of the same meaty substance all are posts are -- baloney.)
We have independently hired the Mise-Danielson Consulting (MDC) firm from Deliverance, Mississippi. MDC is an educational consulting firm located in the Mississippi backwaters. It generates the majority of its income from internet nut sales, duct tape removal royalties and is a major consumer of horse manure on right-wing Internet sites. MDC did a feasibility study on the need for a new school. What follows are the findings of that study.
Our school transportation system is one of the best in the state. In fact, MDC suggests we push the radius for busing students out to the pre-Civil War distance of 50 miles. It is hoped that this will encourage more students to go into careers at McDonald's and Wal-Mart.
Our school lunch program exceeds that of many Third World countries. MDC recommends that we adopt the retro-meal plan of peanut butter sandwiches and tomato hot dish five out of seven days a week. This will eliminate those French sounding dishes like "Radix lecti" that we here ontheborderline simply find hard to pronounce. If we have a hard time pronouncing something, obviously everyone else must also. As they say in North Hudson, "Sona si Latine loqueris."
The facilities in our current school are more than adequate to meet the needs of our population. As I mentioned earlier, the flu is taking a good share of our children. If this epidemic keeps up, there is no way that our school will be anywhere capacity with a couple more years like this. Keeping the students warm has never been a problem...as long as Miss Nonunion keeps the wood pile full on her days off.
As you can see, space is no issue at our current facility. On the average, there are more than enough desks. Likewise, we have modern computing equipment that equals or exceeds that on many schools in Africa. MDC has learned that many of those African schools don't even have chalk let alone a viable hot lunch program.
After the sound defeat (and I do mean SOUND) of the November 2003 referendum, the board went back to the drawing board and came up with this palace of a facility. We devise a plan that even faked us out. Our plan came about after we formed a 23-member, blogger hot tub party and got to work. With the firm of MDC doing all the heavy lifting, we bloggers got into hot tub and realized that "space utilization" couldn't be a problem at the school. Afterall, if we could get 23 OTBL'ers in a 15-person hot tub and still have room for a Rebel flag, there should be no problem with space at the school.
To my astonishment MDC refigured our capacity and came up with a total of 32 kids! They is with the flu epidemic in full swing and, we just learned the Supreme court has overturned those Marxist child labor laws. Space definitely isn't an issue.
I have publicly questioned these findings in the Holy Scared Oracle (HSO) and in a graffiti post I did out at the truck stop on Exit 4. I've yet to get a call on that one. Of course certain wives of OnTheBorderLine husbands have maintained that they have no clue as to what their husbands are doing typing on the computers at 2 AM in their boxer shorts. If fact one wife, said her husband said he was going to be the next Tom Paine. She told him he was halfway there -- now he just had to work on the Tom part.
Although we at www.ontheborderline.net are opposed to building a new school, we know that, if the school gets turned down, the next push will be for portable classrooms. Our cranky consulting firm, MDC, has a solution to the portable classrooms that is quite unique. We underwrote a privately fund survey to assess the need of portable classrooms. We use a highly diverse spectrum of school district members (Dr. Curtsy, Dr. Kuke, Dr. Tax Baby, Dr. Dimwatt and Dr. Spiritofidiocracy and Dr. Dontpeeonme) and they all said portables weren't need. On the left is a computerized enhancement of their idea. As you can see, students allowed to participate in this new educational opportunity will definitely be out standing in their field and we will continue to recognized as a district that believes in cultivating education.
For a satirical version of this post, click here.
Once again, the OTBL CSI Team has connected the donut holes surrounding the other big mystery whispering throughout the St. Croix Valley. After reporting the elusive Murphygirl AOL from a one night stand on their website, Chief OTBL Investigator Richard Noggin has released the shocking news that former, excommunicated OTBL blogger, known as "lewd and vulgar" aka Dratsum aka Mustard aka No Good For Nothing Socialist SOB -- wears a dress.
