U.S. Intelligence: Burundi May Be Developing Telephone
July 10, 2008, The Onion
WASHINGTON—According to a report released by the Pentagon, evidence suggests that the small Central African nation of Burundi may be developing a telephone, and experts warn the country could be just 10 years away from achieving a dial tone. "If Burundi's telephone has long-distance capabilities, it will be possible for them to reach the continental United States and parts of Canada with just the push of several buttons," CIA spokesman Richard Caburn said. "Thankfully, we possess advanced caller ID technology, so if they ever decide to call, we will be prepared." The Pentagon has mailed Burundi a letter asking them to end their communications program immediately, and has not ruled out the option of a preemptive nuclear strike on the nation.
In the Category of "Outrageous Tabloid Trash"
OTBL wins 1st Place:
The OTBL celebration was marred by one unfortunate incident. One of the crack OTBL censors let a dissenting comment through their talking point filter. Despite this slight error in judgement, the OTBL investigative reporting staff celebrated their achievement with gratuitous backslapping, the unfurling of the "Stars and Bar's, and cracking open a case or Lienie's "RED, WHITE, AND BLUE".
"I love how everyone in this city loves to grab on to something juicy and suck it dry. How many of you have actually met Peter or Victoria? Why is it necessary to Crucify someone who has accepted the consequences of her actions, was never proven to be intoxicated at the crime scene. and make up trashy stories of Mr. Bear's involvement? It's sad. This is the the town i grow up in and now live. Sad people who love to trash on anyone to feel better about them selves. I love how the articalÕs ÒfactsÓ of the blood alcohol level were provided by a breath test of Bear taken at the scene indicated her blood alcohol level was.13 according to Janna Niedermyer, Strauch's daughter'. and soiling herself? Two more examples of the award winning (? that mean anything to anyone) journalism of HSO and another example of the sick, trash, dirt. loving people of Hudson."
at 7/12/2008 Posted by Andy Rand
Once a lady who liked cats very much, if they were the better sort of cats, remarked to Ed, “Of course I realize that these things are necessary. I am very broad-minded. But, thank heaven, you do not get pedigreed cats.”
Ed reassured her by saying, “Madam, that’s about the only kind I do get. Alley cats are too quick and intelligent. I get the sluggish stupid cats of the rich and indulgent. You can look through the basement and see whether I have yours – yet.” That friendship based on broad-mindedness did not flourish.
from About Ed Ricketts
at 7/11/2008 Posted by Sunny Badger
Ed regarded his father with affection. "He has one quality of genius", Ed would say. "He is always wrong. If a man makes a million decisions and judgments at random, it is perhaps mathematically tenable to suppose that he will be right half the time and wrong half the time. But you take my father—he is wrong all of the time about everything. That is a matter not of luck but of selection. That requires genius."
from About Ed Ricketts
at 7/09/2008 Posted by Sunny Badger