Two Dollars On Baker - To Show

Political contests have often been described as being analogous to a horserace.
In Hudson we have 6 candidates competing for 3 seats on the Hudson school board.
Even with Mr.Baker's "Funny Math" calculator, one calculation is as simple as apple pie.
You only have to beat 3 candidates to win your seat.In horseracing parlance, Baker is running for "Show". It seems that the'Baker only crowd" doesn't even have enough confidence in the power of their candidate's ideas, and charisma, or lack there of, to compete in
an election without the cheap trick of the bullet ballot. What's the real motivation of the "Baker only choice"? You don't have to be a Dr. Bill "Braniac" Danielson to figure that one out either. The goal is not to gain votes for Baker but lessen votes for the others. People will vote how they choose to vote. And Dr. SpiritofBS can waste thousands of words apologizing for how that's not unpatriotic. But if you vote for one candidate only because you don't have enough confidence that he can "Show" in a field of six, you have my deepest sympathies.


New Richmond Blogger Jack Bauer To Run As Write-off Candidate

In a stunning last minute attempt to showcase her unstable personality and to prove that the wheels of her common sense have finally gone flat, New Richmond's anonymous, transvestite blog commentator Jack Bauer has come out of her closet -- later determined to be an outhouse -- and declared that she will be New Richmond's "bullet" write-in candidate. She is urging people only to only vote for her in New Richmond's April 4 school board election. When asked to explain this strategy, Bauer said since she'd be casting only one vote everybody else should -- or else. "Besides," she added, "I have a one-track mind and it helps create a theme for voters to remember. Remember, me good, they bad."

At the impromptu press conference, wearing a full body suit of duct tape, Bauer released a press packet of campaign materials that included posters and publicity photos that help illustrate her strategies and campaign focus. She said she was forced into the campaign, after being kicked off the www.ontheborderline.net blog site for being too irrational for even them.

"Who needs those garden variety ultra right-wing fruitcakes anyway," Bauer stated, emphatically adding, "I wanted to take their anti-community, totally selfish creepiness to an even lower level. But those pansies wouldn't even go there! They only want to walk on the cesspool water. I want to drink, bath and wallow in it!"

Bauer explained that her campaign will have two main themes. The first theme will stress her fiscal responsibility and stressed that she will make sure everybody who deserves it will get paid back.
With the help of the official Do Do Gang photographer, Ima Pepper, Bauer's press packet included a number of photos that will help illustrate her ability and willingness to work with the community and school district.

Bauer said the first photo shows there's no need to worry about her head being screwed on straight and she's not afraid to make creative uses of empty space The second shot helps emphasis Bauer's skill at making cuts. When questioned about this picture, Bauer said her positions might bring tears to many peoples eyes but, at the same time, would be very appealing to others.

A third Bauer photo displays her ability to remain clam at all times when confronted with a dilemma.

"If you need any clarification on this," she continued, "talk to my ex-husband's. I'm sure they'll waived the restraining orders against me to answer any of your questions. They will tell you that I know the difference between right and wrong. I am always right and they were always wrong. Like me, it's simple! "
Concerning questions centering around her ability to bring closure to issues affecting the whole board, Bauer said she is a master at this. She laughed and explained, "I would stand on my head for the school district!"
When asked to describe how she thinks a school district should be run, with a pensive pose for the cameras, Bauer said the model she'd use is the prison camp. When asked why, she explained that a prison camp has an orderly structure, it's got cheap buildings that you can cram a lot of people into, food is simple and the heat is kept just warm enough so the local village people don't start complaining about the "cold kiddies."
When asked about the final picture included in her press packet, Bauer groaned and said that was just a "glam shot" she threw in for kicks. "It's sort of an action shot that lets voters know that I have experience in the public eye." Pausing, Bauer added, "This particular one was taken after a Do Do Gang meeting when my handlers, William and Judith, carelessly lost sight of me."

Bauer concluded the press conference by pointing out that the second major theme of her write-in campaign would be to emphasis the concept of keeping the community "sweet" and how it intertwines with her concept of family. She pointed out that when it comes to examples of her vision of the "family concept," she points to Lizzy Borden and the Manson family.
Concluding the press conference, Bauer told reporters that they shouldn't forget to mention that she has chosen her favorite song by the Rolling Stones to play at her rallies. When asked how the song relates, Bauer replied, "Because B is for backstabbing, I is for idiot, T is for terror, C is for cheap shot and H is hate. As you can see, the song embodies everything I stand for."

On a more serious note, one reporter asked what her favorite food was. Bauer replied, "Nuts...just plain nuts!"

For the final question of the press conference, Carl the reporter asked her why she waited till today to announce her write-in candidacy. With her patented deer-in-the-headlights look, she she told the group, "Because it's April 1st. The only day of the 365 in a year that I can truly claimed as my own. What do you take for a fool?"


Hudson School Board write-in candidate Professor Spaulding provided sage advice at a Government Studies course at Hudson High school. Political wonks and wonkettes were awestruck with the candidate's bold strategy:

1. Vote me only.
2. Throw other votes away.
3. Whatever it is, I'm against it.

Professor Spaulding concluded his lecture and the students concluded that they would never vote for him.

OTBL: "Write in" Out ... "Wite Out" In.

There have been many rumors in the last few weeks of voters unsatisfied with the current choice of school board candidates opting to write in their own.
With Baker's desire to be the only candidate to receive any votes, OTBL marketing research chief Dr.Bill determined a new strategy might be required to achieve the OTBL objective of taking over the Hudson School board from civil minded citizens who want to move Hudson forward.
Dr.Bill, self proclaimed braniac and Norwegian Salad Dressing Inventor conducted focus groups that determined the "Vote for Baker Only" campaign was failing to resonate with Hudson voters.
Results of the focus groups conducted in the OTBL market reseach hot tub concluded the campaign was far too positive. "It lacked that junkyard dog bite" remarked on focus group participant.
Somehow the idea was hatched. "Why not a Wite Out Campaign?". Let's just obliterate the opposition.
Here's how the strategy works. OTBL volunteers will stand outside polling places the minimal distance required by law, and sell bottles of OTBL brand Wite Out to incoming voters. ( Suggested Retail Price$6.66 plus tax ) Voters, in the sanctity of the voting booth will modify their ballots to exclude
all school board candidates except Baker. This way the "Baker only" contingent will be happy and so
will the Baker opponents when they haul some of these voters off to the pokie. But that's a small
detail the OTBL campaign team will ignore for the present.

Campaign Manager, and Press laison Dr. Wheeze admonished voters to use only the OTBL brand Wite Out and to accept no subsitute, ( like that cheap stuff from Wal-Mart)." Our OTBL fast drying, election strength Wite Out has no peer." It seems the proof is in the polling. Look at the altered ballot using
the cheap Wal-Mart brand Wite Out. It leaves tell tale marks of others actually appearing on the ballot,
while the OTBL brand left no trace of any socialist

The Baker team enlisted some of the
most sophisticated pocket protector science wonks to color match each OTBL bottle of Wite Out with
the ballots at their repective polling place. " Achieving this level of quality for a mere $6.66 per
0.7fl.oz bottle is a bargain not matter how you look at it. Plus it has the extra advantage of insuring a Baker
victory on tuesday." I like this strategy because there's nothing positive about it. We just wipe
the Socialist, Collectivist Big Spenders off the Ballot and that's all there is too it." We'll wait til Wed. to hear from the "pencil necked " teacher spouse and his bodyguard, but by then it'll be too late. James Baker will occupy all three of the open seat on the school board and the play fair crowd won't be able to do a thing about it.
Dr. Wheeze's final comment was. " I smell victory, (or is that the laquer thinner in the Wite Out)?

Talking To My Dog About Birds And The Upcoming School Board Elections

This afternoon I took some time out to have a good talk with my dog Banjo. The last time we had a really good talk was the Sunday afternoon before the week of the big snows. On that Sunday, with his feet hanging ten out the door of his house and his head cocked my way, I told him to enjoy the day. I told him how nice it was to see the robins and bluebirds back and I explained to him come Monday it would be a different world.

He gave me that look of his and I went on to explain that I had been watching the weather radar in the house and you could see the big storm coming our way. His one ear twitched at this news, but he didn't seem too concerned. Then I went in the house and the next day when I came out of house there were five foot drifts in his kennel. To a snow loving dog like Banjo, this was heaven.

Today our discussion centered around the last remaining snow pile our by the pine tree. We saw some bluebirds and could hear robins, grackles, a meadowlark, mourning doves, a cardinal and some blue jays. I told him it was like listening to Mother Nature's symphony. His head titled sideways at this analogy. I went on to explain to him it was sort of like listening to Peter and the Wolf where the instruments were animals that you could pick out. Then I added that the beauty of Mother Nature's symphony that you could learn what the birds were by their sounds.

When I explained to him that most people can't tell a robin's sound from a blue jay's, he frown. The I asked him what he thought about the other night when the coyotes were howling off to the east as the lights of Wal-Mart were lighting up the west. He cocked his head to the left, squinted his eyes and raised his brow at this question.

Then I asked him who he thought would win the school board election this coming Tuesday. His head dropped, he turned around, went into to his house and took a nap.


Socialist Workers Endorse Baker

To the shock and utter dismay of the ontheborderline.net founding fathers
Dr. Bill and Admin, Killbear The American Socialist Party announced today that they have chosen to endorse James Baker as their candidate for two of the three seats.
The borderliners immediately renounced Baker as a Collectivist, Statist, Traitor to the cause of School Board Disruption and Tax Whining. Socialist Worker Party spokesperson Mikhail Ivanovich explained that no other candidate would accept their endorsement and it had to go to someone, so Baker was IT! Baker, never noted for his Socialist tendancies, causiously accepted the endorsement saying. "At
least the Socialists let me disagree with them once in a while, not like those fruitcakes over at ontheborderline.net."
When asked why the Party endorsed Baker for two seats Ivanovich explained, "Even though
Baker asked voters to cast only one vote. Our projections indicated that unless they cast
two votes for Baker, he wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell." Ivanovich continued,
"The endrosement for the second seat was basically an insurance policy written by St.Peter and Paul
Insurance Co. to prevent the potential of an overwelming write-in victory by non- candidate Spaulding
"Everbody thinks Muchlinski is a Socialist. He's no Socialist, He's a legal comedian, a position the Party has no use for. Besides, Muchlinski's idea of a Party is sharing blogger lager's with his body guard teacher spouse buddy and shooting pool in his basement with freinds. That's not the Socialist Workers Party we want.Muchlinski's not our idea of a Socialist. He is soooo Bourgeois.
Real revolutionaries,drink wodka, not blogger lagers. He was kicked out of the party years ago, ever since he refused to carry a side arm and started writing letters to the Hudson Paper."
Ivanovich added, "Don't forget, you have to register as a Socialist Workers Party Member in order to vote more than once. Remember: Register, Vote early and Vote often, at least two times for Baker"


Dr. Danielson Endorses "Bullet" Baker

Our historic archivists have discovered that Dr. Bill D was actually the first blogger at www.ontheborderline.net to endorse the platform of "Bullet" Baker. The essence of the Baker platform is captured in this bdanielson post from 10/19/2005 titled: Vote NO - Part II:

"The second group of yes people are the philosophical believers in collectivism. Private schools are a threat to them because government education (along with the radical environmentalist movement) is essentially the last bastion of collectivism/socialism/Marxism. It is the only place you see it in any meaningful way, government schools and university campuses are unique in that regard. So, you will find these long haired, maggot infested, pot smoking FM types who believe in the socialization idea. That children must be indoctrinated and brainwashed into the statist mentality, because if they are allowed to be educated in a free market environment it will be premised upon the antithesis of everything they believe in. A sad and pathetic group they are, but the fact is they are in control at such places as WEAC and we also have a governor who is highly sympathetic to their cause... They understand better than most that if economic educational choice were implemented, their vision of utopia goes down the proverbial tube."

To find out if you qualify as one of the "long haired, maggot infested, pot smoking FM types" of taxpaying community members mentioned by Baker's biggest little supporter in Illinois and to hear his campaign song "One Is The Loneliest Number click here or, if you chose not to go back so far in time, visit this site on the Stone Age.


The Norwegian Opera Company of Hudson performed Tristan & Isolde for a packed house as a campaign benefit for the two ME ONLY candidates in the Hudson school board election.

Candidates Captain Spaulding and James Baker are seen schmoozing after the opera.

Baker: "This is a gala night!"

Spaulding: "Yeah, a gal a night is all I can handle."

Baker: "Sir, that's bigamy!"

Spaulding: "Well, it's big o' me too. Lets be big for a change!"

Unfortunately, the evening ended in fisticuffs between the two candidates as they realized that a vote for someone other than themselves was a vote for the other guy.



An OTBL Love Affair:

Maverick Meets Jack Bauer


Things are really heating up in New Richmond. OTBL reports that local attorney Tim O'Brien sent out a letter of support for the enemies of the Borderline bloggers. How dare he?

Well I say good for you Mr. O'Brien. You're doing what needs to be done to stand up for what is right for your community. And hey, you did it under your own name - not anonymously. What a concept.

Borderline blogger "Maverick" is incensed and ready to file a defamation suit against Mr. O'Brien. Good luck with that Maverick. Your summons & complaint will need to include your real name. Oops. End of that idea.

Let's look at what Maverick has to say: "Did you know that Wisconsin Defamation Statutes apply to any identified person, by name or otherwise? In other words, the bloggers referred to in the letter will want to know what was said about us, whether or not it was true and what effect it yields. O’Brien talked about “bloggers”, therefore identifying me and others. "

News Flash: New legal theory in the making. Apparently, referring to the spreading of manure by "bloggers" (who happen to practice anonymous defamation on a daily basis) is a viable cause of action in civil court.

Maverick, I say go for it. Since O'Brien is a lawyer, I'm sure he will have no idea how to defeat you. You poor pathetic sap.

You Know You Might Be Allowed To Join The OTBL Blog If...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers for your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years in your life, is now cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

16. You complain to Wal-Mart that the reason they don't carry SpongeBob boxer shorts in XXXL is because they are pandering to the collectivist, socialists trying to unionize the local stores.

16. Realizing there is no #9, you do not accuse the local police, government and public school officials, teachers, unions, YMCA, League of Women Voters, etc., etc. etc. of being part of the vast omni-directional conspiracy.

17. Having completed the above, you look at your calendar and notice the year is 1776.


OTBL hot tub regular Jack Bauer asked the following question today regarding his school board campaign enemies:

"How low can they go?"

The answer lies in the mirror Mr. Bauer.

A Helping Hand...

From our neighbors over at www.ontheborderline.net


The Baker School Expansion Plan

As a fiscal conservative I will spend no penny before it's time.
I promise to stop the big spenders in their tracks and end wasteful
school district splurging.
Here are some examples of the
"James Baker Vote For Me Only Plan"

1. Early Childhood Education.
What do early children need and education for. I promise to put a
stop to children coming to school early. I'm a strong advocate of
just in time learning and just in time building. Children need to come to school
on time, not early, not late. If children are late for school
they'll be punished.
There are plenty of vacant structures in St. Croix county. Why should
the go to waste. Being over 100 years old shouldn't be an impediment
to learning. When enrollment tops capacity I plan to annex new facilities
on an "as needed" basis. There will be no waste of taxpayer funds in this area.

2. Science Education.
We all know the United States is falling behind in Science Education.
The Commie Pinko spendthrifts and teacher spouses claim it's because we haven't
invested enough in state of the art facilities. I say "nonsense". We are falling
behind in Math and Science because we haven't created enough hardship for our
young people. We all know hardship builds character so let's start building character
not buildings. As I've stated before, " You don't NEED running water to do good science."

3. Sports and Physical Education
Simply stated, who needs them! Everbody knows that the college bound students are preparing
for a life long career of butt sitting, so why encourage them to waste time being fit.
Look at me. Butt sitting has hurt me any. We all know the exaggerated claims that physical
fitness is essential for a healthy lifestyle. I say "hogwash" this is just more of that
liberal "junk science" designed to line the pockets of teacher spouses. Just like cigarettes
being harmful to your health it's a myth propogated by the liberal press to stifle the wealth
building capabilities of the tobacco companies. Cigarette smoking and bad health habits are an
essential part of the American economy. The pharmaceutical companies need a continued supply of
sick people to maintain their profit margins. Let's not ruin it by wasting tax dollars for extra
curricular activities. Why do you think they call them EXTRA, it's because they are not needed. Let's
get back to the core curriculum and cut the fluff.

So there you have a preview of my plan for the Hudson Schools if elected.
It's Frugal, it's Basic, and it's Mine. I pledge, if elected to the board, Hudson's schools will reflect the same
high standards I adhere to on my website (James Baker.cheap & tacky.com) and my plywood billboard campaign.
Vote for me and me only, Jim Baker, the only guy you really need on the school board.


Any Questions, Concerns or Complaints About Campaign Signs Contact Chief Trende

The Hudson police chief sent this blog the following e-mail today to post concerning campaign signs.
There have been accusations about the Hudson Police Department having confiscated legally posted "campaign signs" , and having them in the trunks of squads. Additionally the accusations have been that I knew about that conduct.

As a clarification, there has been no confiscation of campaign signs by the Hudson Police Department. The Hudson Public Works had confiscated some illegally posted signs last year as a past practice. If some one were to have substantiated information, I would encourage that person to speak with me. I can state that no one has communicated with me.

If any one has any questions, or complaints, contact me by at dtrende@ci.hudson.wi.us or dtrende@comcast.net

Chief Richard Trende

Disguised OTBL'ers Try To Sneak By Check Point Y


I've been there - you've been there .... think .... That's right! It's the crappy building that passes as the Hudson Public Library.

A rousing endorsement for Mayor Breault on OTBL said this: "Small town mayors have the power to derail all kinds of loony leftist schemes and creeping socialism like building a new Taj Mahal city library on the river."

So let's join the Borderliners in thanking Jack Breault for making our fine city the Wal-Mart of Western Wisconsin. What the heck, let's just throw a few magazines in the back of the turnip truck and call it a library.

Thanks Jack.

P.S. I'm not voting for you.




Killbear: On tonight's show our guest is Hudson citizen Bob Muchlinski, who has some exciting news to share. Welcome Bob.

Muchlinski: Chris, I'm overwhelmed tonight by the honor granted me by the management at OTBL. I've just been informed that I've been promoted from Notorious Teacher Spouse to Obnoxious St. Paul Travelers Lawyer.

Killbear: Hey, that's fantastic!

Muchlinski: Chris, now that they have shown some confidence in me, I'm really going to try hard to make a decent living for my family. You know, being a teacher's spouse pays only slightly more than internet nut salesman.

Killbear: Tell me about it. Blog Administrator ain't getting me out of this fourplex.

Muchlinski: Hang in there Chris. I know we want to run all the borderliners off to Bloomington, Illinois, but that takes time. We have to be patient. Turnip trucks weren't built in a day.

Killbear: Thanks for coming. And tell you friend Captain Spaulding good luck in his school board write-in campaign.


This afternoon's parade in downtown Hudson was a wonderful success for school board write-in candidate Captain Spaulding. The candidate sang his Me Only campaign song: "Whatever it is, I'm against it."

If you missed the rally, you can still hear the song by clicking here. Minimize the player and it's almost like being there.

Sing along:

I don't know what they have to say,

It makes no difference anyway --

Whatever it is, I'm against it!

No matter what it is or who commenced it,

I'm against it!

Your proposition may be good,

But let's have one thing understood --

Whatever it is, I'm against it!

And even when you've changed it or condensed it,

I'm against it!



An anonymous Borderliner purchased a piece of Dubble Bubble today at the Auto Stop, paying 1 cent in sales tax - thereby contributing to the tax base for the first time this year. As he left, he was heard saying: "Yeehaw, I'm the boss of all public employees! They answer to me now! First thing I'm gonna do is go over and tell the school superintendent how to run things. Oh wait, then she would see my face and know who I am. Dang. Good gum though."


OTBL Boxer Shorts Warrior Bill Danielson, who blogs from the comfort of his basement in Bloomington, Illinois, had this to say about casualties in Iraq:

"If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000. The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington."

I wonder how likely it is that Bill will be killed or maimed by a Improvised Explosive Device on his way to Wal-Mart tonight. Then again, that would only increase the kill rate by .001%. Not too bad - when you think of it that way.




How much more is it going to cost Hudsonites to build our new schools if we just wait a few more years? Marshall Swift/Boeckh Corporation continually monitors building material costs and wage rates in nearly 3,000 areas of the U.S. to provide cost updates that reflect the current market. As the statistics below clearly demonstrate, building and labor costs continue to skyrocket.

Drywall: 2004 increase = 20.8%; 2005 increase = 16.9%

Ready-mixed Concrete: 2004 increase = 7.8%; 2005 increase = 9.6%

Copper & Brass Mill Shapes: 2004 increase = 32.2%; 2005 increase = 22.1%

Asphalt Shingles: 2005 increase = 10.1%

Steel Decking: 2005 increase = 24%; 2005 increase = 12.3%

Labor Costs: On average = up 3% per year.

I think the Hudson Anti-Public Education Group deserves a great big razzberry from Hudson for their continuing efforts to delay construction, which costs us all more money in the long run. Thanks guys for being the dimmest bulbs in the St. Croix Valley.

Hudson Bumpersticker Checkpoint



I've been forced out of retirement to return to my homeland in the St. Croix River Valley to help chase the www.ontheborderline.net skunks out of the valley. Being a concerned member of the community, I am offering my services to any write-in candidates daring to challenge the evil OTBL empire that is conspiring to privatize the Hudson sewage plant and make it their global headquarters.

Soon you will see the OTBL's head school patrol-person, Jack Bauer, reduced to the status of an incompetent paralegal handling cases dealing with expired dog tags and leash law violations.

Move over rover and let Shamus take over!


Hudson school board write-in candidate Captain Spaulding is off and running on his campaign. Here he can be seen handing citizen Phigg Newton a Presidential Brochure in downtown Hudson. In this case, the brochure features Andrew Jackson. Candidate Spaulding is asking all citizens to vote for "Me Only." When asked about his positions regarding the schools, Candidate Spaulding replied, "Whatever it is, I'm against it!"

(Remember, the secret word is "swordfish.")

Ivan's Bad Taste Review

Listen to the Nauseous strains of OTBL AM 666
Music to Blog By: Turn You Speakers Up
<bgsound src="http://www.ontheborderline.net/files/freewill.mp3"><noembed>


Radical UW-River Falls students have utilized a devious "putsch poll" to locate and confiscate the latest blogging software purchased by OTBL Admin Chris Kilber. The ultra-liberal students will burn the software in protest this afternoon.


Today on OTBL, New Richmond anti-booster Jack Bauer accused the New Richmond Long Range Facilities Planning Commission of having "phony membership." I recall that Mr. Bob Ziller was on that commission. Was he one of the phonies?



Remember, a vote for anyone other than Jim Baker is a vote for Captain Spaulding Muchlinski.

Is It Dirty or Is It Politics?

What's the difference?

Letter To The Editor

Filed under: Politics Local, Education Hudson --- Cute Geese @ 8:38 am

The following letter was written for the Holy Scared Oracle and not submitted due to the paper’s request. The paper has requested I not do this, because paid subscribers have started complaining that their canaries are suffering from constipation wherever they line their bird cages with my letters.

Dear Editor:

There have been numerous letters written to the paper in support of any number of candidates. Many people don’t realize, with the exception of candidate Jim “Bullet” Baker, that all the other candidates are part of an ever expanding conspiracy that includes the police, the local government, the HSO, the League of Women Voters, various librarians, YMCA, all government school officials and teacher union members suckling the teat of government sponsored larceny. Did I mention the Trilateral Commission and the owners of the Left of Center store?

Many of those same individuals say that our school district “pop fund” is under control yet our school system is making an astonishing amount of money on recycled aluminum cans. This year it is slightly over $11,000 per child. The way we figure it at the OTBL club house, that means each student has to spend $4.5 million on pop annually. If you were to line these empty pop cans up from the superintendent’s office to a certain golf course in Eau Claire, it would make a pile of baloney half the size of my ego. Presently, my allowance is only $1.50 a week. $11,000 is 20 years of allowance for me. In 20 years, my wife will retired and finally realize I’ve spent every weekday morning watching Clifford the Big Red Dog and having fantasies of washing my car with SpongeBob SquarePants. After I get done explaining this to her, I may be forced to get a paper route…but you can bet it won’t be carrying the HSO.

Many of the HSO letter writers over the past several months fall into one of two categories: those who agree with me or the socialist, collectivist, communist idiots. The later group of pond scum either benefits directly as an employee’s spouse’s uncle’s ex-brother-in-law’s former barber or the spouse’s librarian’s sister’s paperboy, or they benefit financially by providing goods and services to barbers and paperboys in the school district or by knowing where the district keeps that damn pop fund can. This also includes many unrelated people who make a living by actually working – a concept, as a self-proclaimed entrepreneur, I find hard to grasp. There are specific reasons why these people would like to see this conspiracy widen to eventually include the school district of my hometown Roswell, New Mexico.

Unlike my friends at www.ontheborderline.net who agree with everything I say – or else -- our school board has made decisions that I don’t agree with and I therefore deem them mistakes, at best, or, more realistically, another small puzzle piece of the entanglements of the underhanded, international conspiracy that may eventually force me to get a part time job and contribute to the tax base. Only as the growth slows and finally stops, will we start to see the white pines once again take root, start pushing their way back up through the deserted back top of our streets of Hudson, rightfully reclaiming the countryside and restoring the St. Croix Valley to the way it was in 1776. Then you will look back and see, as always, I was right and everybody was wrong.
If my boy Jim doesn’t win this election, the conspirators will have won. Soon the chauffeurs of teachers will be taking the food out of students’ mouths and selling it out of the window of their Cadillac to beggars like me on the street.

Only five candidates have voiced any concern at all about moving education forward, improving the curriculum to meet the expanding challenges of a rapidly diversifying world and having an open and honest outlook on the challenges ahead. A vote for any of these five candidates will serve to improve the school system and would do nothing to boost my ego and calm my Type-A agitation and irritability. I realize that most people not reading this will vote for three people. But, knowing that you readers at www.ontheborderline.nut find three to be a really large number – but smaller than the $4.5 million -- I am encouraging you to vote for only one candidate to minimize your confusion and the potential of excess drooling in the voting booth. If you are lucky enough to be a tenth as perfect as me and desire directions to Dr. Bill’s Mississippi Post-Election, Hot Tube party, then I recommend voting for only one person on April 1st- Jim Baker.

Love me!

Cute Geese
Nuts Hudson




Dearest Jane, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love how your pet name is Connie B.

I love the way you drool on your pillow and mumble "Hitchens, Hitchens, Hitchens ..." all night long.

I love the way you find a new way to slander good people like Deanna Cook-Shannon and Andy Lieffort every day.

I love the way your cold black heart is the size of a burnt match.

I love how you refuse to stick your chin out when you attack your enemies.

I love how you believe you are the boss of New Richmond and you try to push people around.

I love how you kick around and humiliate anyone you want to run off the plantation.

I love how you seek revenge and want to make people pay for what they did.

I love how you are a smart coward.

Mostly, I love how you are trying to destroy the New Richmond schools.

Dearest Jane, please leave Rick Hinz and Bob Sievert and come away with me to paradise. I will toast you with coffee champagne forevermore!