POS Author Takes On The Borderline

Dr. Shill Damnuson made a rare appearance recently. He slithered out from under his rotting particle board sign, donned his fishnet stockings, and agreed to be interviewed about his repeated use the same baloney he’s been feeding us for years. The discussion and interview were surrounding the soon to be forgotten book by Dr's Bubonic and Danielson, The Price of Spin. More on that (and Dr. Bubonic's interview) later, but these juicy comments are worth posting...

I. M. Gaseous: Dr. Shill, it is good to see that your new book is reaching all classes of people. I saw a couple of copies at the Goodwill store in Stillwater. Those of us who know you are totally amazed that a small mind like yours can hold so much. As always, it is a total honor to once again have the opportunity to suck up to you. I want to start this interview off from a local angle. Since you no longer live in Hudson and have no ties to it, you are obviously an unqualified expert on things on the borderline. That said, you obviously know a great deal about nothing and we were wondering if you could excrete a load of verb gibberish on the safety of the streets in Hudson?

Dr. Shill: The streets are safe in Hudson, it’s only the statist interventionist disguised as members of the community who make them unsafe. These people are seriously misguided atavists who will stop at nothing in their attempts to extinguish those vestiges of laissez faire, which have somehow managed to remain. Could I have some of those peanuts?

I. M. Gaseous: Dr. D., I understand you recently underwent some serious medical testing. What did the doctors find?

Dr. Shill: The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing. In addition, they found that half of what I say is ninety percent bullshit.

I. M. Gaseous: I understand that you are upset about want has transpired in this country since President Bush took office. Could you share some of your views on the President?

Dr. Shill: The President is a low down scoundrel who deserves to be swiftly and soundly kicked in the curt by a jackass--and I’m just the one to do it.

I. M. Gaseous: I know you are totally and completely against any type of tax. However, you recently sided with Governor Doyle on his successful attempt to raise the tax on a pack of cigarettes. Please explain.

Dr. Shill: Like me, the reason is very simple. Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

I. M. Gaseous: As you continue your fight to make the universe a totally free market, do you feel you have finally come up with all the right answers?

Dr. Shill: You know I’m a humble guy and would never admit in an interview that I have all the answers. That said, I think we're on the road to coming up with answers that I don't think any of us is total feel we have the answers to.

I. M. Gaseous: As a longtime drinker of Republican Kool-Aid, do you think the party still offers the so-called “big tent” to the people of this country.

Dr. Shill: We offer the party as a big tent. How we do that within the platform, the preamble to the platform, or whatnot, which remains to be seen. However, that message will have to be articulated with great clarity and I'm obviously the one to do it.

I. M. Gaseous: Do you have any thoughts on the war in Iraq?

Dr. Shill: My position on Iraq is very simple. And I feel this way. I haven't spoken on it because I haven't felt there was any major contribution that I had to make at the time. I think that our concepts as a nation and that our actions have not kept pace with the changing conditions, and therefore our actions are not completely relevant today to the realities of the magnitude and the complexity of the problems that we face in this conflict. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

I. M. Gaseous: What did you mean?

Dr. Shill: Can I have some more peanuts?

I. M. Gaseous: One of your local critics accused you of lying in one of your recent brain-numbing blog posts. What do you say to that charge.

Dr. Shill: I wasn't lying. I was using terminological inexactitudes.

I. M. Gaseous: Well, thank you Dr. Shill! You have been gracious to entertain a few questions.

Dr. Shill: You're very welcome, and I suspect you will have a great interview with Dr. Bubonic as well - he is a very bright fellow with some wonderful "diaper leakage"!

I. M. Gaseous: I will be contacting him soon and I am really looking forward to the interchange.