Liberal Council Moves To Ban Automatic Toasters At Dibbos

In a continued effort to stomp down outlaw biker mayhem in the St. Croix Valley, the Hudson City Council tentatively approved an ordinance that would ban the use of full-automatic toaster in the cafe at Dibbos in downtown Hudson. Mayor Jack felt the amendment was needed and said citizens would be much safer with semi-automatic toasters in a cafe like Dibbos that is ruled by outlaw bikers.

The loon environmental fascist on the city council, Mick Jagger O'Malley tried unsuccessfully to add a rider to the amendment that would have banded the use of white bread in the making of toast at Dibbos. The other members of the council said that the added fiber from whole wheat toast wouldn't be needed with the death of the pukatorium planned for the end of the dike.

Only one citizen spoke out against the amendment. A lone jogger wearing a pink head band going only by the name of Mr. Peanut said the US Constitution allows citizens to have any kind of toaster they want. In a fit of passion not seen since the gathering of our nation's Founding Fathers, he pounded on the podium, as spittle showered those present and said, "Give me white bread or give me wheat toast, but personally I prefer fruitcake." He then went on the babble something about a superintendent and a golf. As he was led from the chambers, he shouted something about returning with duct tape.

Although it wasn't mentioned at the council meeting, it is believed that Mr. Peanut was half of the organization formally known as RAFT. It is believed the RAFT stand for Ridiculous Agitators Fomenting Trouble.

The morning after the meeting, when asked for comment on the toaster ban, Bertha at Dibbos said, "Mayor Jack better start buttering me up or his buns are going to be in a homemade jam. Before the mayor knows it, he won't have a sea wall to piss from or a pukatorium to poop in."

No comments: