9/14/2006

Cooking with Baby Emma: Wing-nut Fruit Cake

Joining OTBL's executive staff, legendary pre-school (that's private pre-school) chef, Baby Emma, will be sharing her favorite recipes with OTBL'ers on a regular basis. Being the open-mind, poster child of neo-con culinary creationism, Emma's recipes are sure to help turn your next dinner party into an evolutionary event.

Today Emma treats us to her recipe for CW's Wing-nut Fruit Cake. This is just in time for the holidays! It goes great with her Redneck-n-Green Slime topping.

Ingredients:

A handful of disgruntled wing-nuts -- preferably crushed

A sprinkle or two of Ludwig von Mises quotes

An unhealthy dose of Any Rand irrationality

A mention of the FA Hayek book "The Road to Serfdom"

A black-n-white mixture of stale right-wing media banter

Add a few Constitutional Amendments, preferably the 1st and/or 2nd*Note: Never use the 16th Amendment because it mentions the words"collect taxes."

Throw in a couple of half-baked ideas about the pending slide into one-world government.

To spice up this dish, one local economist recommends adding a few elephant droppings.

For a more international flavor, throw in an insult concerning the French.

Once you have mixed the above ingredients into an incomprehensible consistency of dangerous ideas, fold it into the 10 Commandments and set it in a cold, dark place without any heart and let it blow up into the shape of ignorance and self-righteous hypocrisy.

When complete, glaze over with “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” and you are ready to stuff this down the throats of your family and friends.

Please note: During the preparation process, totally disregard the stench and odor that overtakes the surrounding community. If your neighbors complain, tell them you don't have to take responsibility for the odor you create. Remind them that your rights on this issue are cut-n-dry. There is no gray area. It is black-n-white like a skunk.

Hope you enjoy this recipe. Future recipes will include Tom DeLay's Jail House Stew and Ralph Reed's Christian-Right Casino Casherole.

If you have any suggestions or would like to submit your own recipes, use the comments section.

Bone head appetite

6 comments:

North Shore Nut said...

JPN:

You mention nuts and the holidays in your CW recipe. Boy, have I got a great on-line source for all your holiday nut needs.

Check out my site:

http://www.holidayfoodgifts.com/

We always need more customers!

NSN

ragincrazin said...

Hey North Hudson Nut, I mean North Shore Nut. You have stated that you won't write into the HSO anymore, yet rumor has it you have one of your friends submit letters that you actually authored. If true, how sad is that? Care to explain?

North Shore Nut said...

Ragincrazin:

Cool name.

So you want an explanation. Do you have a few hours? Grab a beer, pull up a chair, and let me tell you my tale of woe.

Where to begin?

It all began two score and 7 years ago in rusty mobile home in a trailer park in small town in Illinois. My mother was addicted to nuts. My father had no nuts, and ran away.

My only childhood friends were squirrels. I learned their language and they taught me everything they knew about their culture - that is, nuts.

Schooling was practically nonexistent in my hometown, once I drove the local school board nuts.

So, I spent my formative years in a pool hall, perfecting my game. My education in political science came from Tubby Fingers Malone - never pay taxes on your winnings. I learned economics from Ear Wax Willy - don't let the trough feeders steal from the wealth builders. And I learned about hair care from my mentor Rancid "Rug" Crabtree - use only the best hair glue.

When Illinois began slipping liberal, I moved to Wisconsin to see if I could run this state into the ground. It was either that or join the military, and I sure as hell wasn't going to risk my life. I'm red-blooded and have a "Support The Troops" bumper sticker, but that's as far as I'll go.

I asked my childhood sweetheart to marry me and she agreed because she is deaf, dumb and blind (mostly dumb).

We had some kids (my wife is really dumb).

And now that brings me to today, where I am a self-made nut-selling businessgal.

As for writing to the HSO, what I said was "I wouldn't sign my name to a letter in that no-good lame POS rag for all the nuts in the world." I never said I wouldn't write a letter under someone else's name.

Well buddy. It's been fun.

I hope we can chat again soon.

It's nice getting this stuff out from under my toupe.

NSN

gourmet chef said...

Emma,

When I tried to crack the wing-nuts for your receipe their knuckle heads broke my nut-cracker, should I use a jack hammer?

Luke said...

The nuts will crackle easier, if you get them steamed.One way to get them steamed is to wrap them in duct tape and place them in embarrassing positions.

Mikhail Ivanovich said...

Luke,

Thanks for the advice, but I was really hoping to hear from Emma. After all she's the kitchen magician. I think I've had them steamed a few times, like when I learned that the original OTBL was on a Russian server and someone using my name was the admin. But I think that's all forgotten now. What can I do to steam them again?