Jack Bauer on the Couch with Sigmund

Freud: Mr. Bauer, lie on the couch and tell me about your dreams.

Jack: Well, I have this recurring dream of being on the school playground while bullies are pushing me around.

Freud: Very interesting. In your dream, do you fight back?

Jack: No. I put on a mask of Kiefer Sutherland, and tell the bullies that someday I'll get my revenge.

Freud: Do you ever have happy dreams?

Jack: I dream that I grow up to be a paralegal, and get pushed around by lawyers all day.

Freud: That doesn't sound very happy.

Jack: But, at the end of the dream, I get powerful and I can run all the lawyers and community-minded people off the plantation.

Freud: Who is left?

Jack: Just me. I am all alone and all powerful. I am the Queen of New Richmond.

Freud: Go Tigers!

Jack: Ha! Yeah right.