DIVORCE BORDERLINE STYLE
Killbear: The latest celebrity breakup has shaken all of BorderlineCounty to the core. Today it was announced the Dr. Wheeze and the Hudson Star-Observer have divorced. Wheeze wasted no time in remarrying, tying the knot with his lovely trophy OTBL. We are fortunate to have Dr. Wheeze here with us today to discuss these recent events in his life. Welcome, Doctor.
Wheeze: Thanks, Chris.
Killbear: I'm surprised to hear that you moved so quickly from divorcing the HSO to marrying OTBL. Do you think you were emotionally ready to make this move? Won't you be tempted to boomerang back to the HSO?
Wheeze: You mean cheat on OTBL?
Killbear: Yes. You realize that OTBL has ten readers while the HSO has thousands. Can you really cut off all ties? Will you be tempted to ghost write letters for Dr. Frazzy? Will you find yourself handing copies of your school board speeches to the HSO education reporter, hoping she will quote you in the paper? Heck, will you phone the HSO editors and unleash a load of verbal crap just for old times' sake?
Wheeze: No Chris. I take my vows with OTBL very seriously. When I said, "Take my nuts as a sign of my love and fidelity," I meant it.
Killbear: Everyone knows that it was your romance with the HSO that made you infamous in the first place. Your letters, Dr. Bil's letters, the HSO nonstop coverage of RAFT antics, gave you high exposure. Do you feel you owe the HSO some alimony for the support it gave you over the years?
Wheeze: Fortunately, the HSO and I signed a prenuptial agreement. I agreed up front that, upon separation, I would pay the HSO one-half of my net worth. So, that leaves me with just one can of holiday nuts.
Killbear: They say that divorce is hardest on the kids. Do feel that is the case in your situation?
Wheeze: From what I have been told, the students in the Hudson school district are managing just fine with my decision.
Killbear: One last question, Dr. Wheeze. Were you invited to the Hudson Star-Observer Super Spectacular Extravaganza Divorce Celebration Partaaaayyy!!??
Wheeze: No.
Killbear: Thank you for being with us today Dr. Wheeze. On your way out, please take this "Support Hudson Schools" bumper sticker as a sign of our love and fidelity.
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3 comments:
I sure the the lack of Dr. Bill's and CW's subscriptions will cause a damper in Doug Stovepipe's ability to purchase baseball cards. Maybe he'll just have to outlaw gum chewing the the dougout.
I really don't believe Dr.B and CW had subscriptions to the HSO. I noticed they were always posting on Wednesday evening and early Thursday morning -- regardless of the name they were posting under -- and the subscription papers don't come till Thursday's mail arrival. Duh, Columbo could have figured that out.
Besides, do you think those to Hot-Air-Affair balloon egos could wait an extra day to read scribbles in print?
Psssst Keep this on the QT...OK.
Dr. B and Dr. Wheeze don't realize that the have done HSO a huge favor by canceling their subscriptions. Just think of the man hours HSO will save not having to redline their letters or deal with their complaints. I'm going to look into HSO stock I think it just went up on this good news.
I think I speak on many a person's behalf when I say that this will save us the time it takes us to roll our eyes, sigh, and plow through the weekly submission undersigned by CW.
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