9/21/2006

OTBL Bloggers Prepare For Battle


HUDSON, WI. - If you're in Hudson this Saturday, you will be able to watch the www.ontheborderline.net bloggers of the St. Croix Valley defend their unchallenged supremacy as the biggest fruitcakes in the St. Croix River valley.

Blogger N. Ononimous and his OTBL friends will be launching projectiles using their catapults built based on a designs popular around 1776. They will once again try to defend their unchallenged title in the OTBL Fruitcake Follies.

Nonimous, who won the Follies the last two years, and other member of his team of anti-community whiners plan to set up as many as seven launchers starting at noon Saturday at the government soccer fields. This time, instead of fruitcakes, they'll be chucking balls made out of discarded duct tape. This Saturday's event is just for demonstration purposes. The official event is next February when the OTBL'ers will use their real medium of choice -- a mix of bullshit, slander, personal attacks held together with a blend superiority complex, egomania and skunk scent.

"Last spring at the Follies it was so cold a lot of people were unwilling to come out and they missed a lot of fun," Ononimous said. "So we want people to see how powerful and beautiful these machines are. This will gives us a chance to prove how well our message goes over in public."

When reminded that they OTBL'ers were the only ones who showed up to compete and the total crowd of specators was made up of two guys named Bob drinking coffee, Nonimous turned red and accussed the reporter of being part of a socialist conspiracy.

Nonimous will bring four of his trebuchets, including "Gladius von Mises," which can sling projectiles the size of a peanut more than 666 feet.

The 5th annual OTBL Fruitcake Follies are slated for the third Saturday in February.

When asked if he would be attending this year's event, on local resident who only gave his name as Bob said, "It can get pretty cold in February. If it gets cold enough to freeze over hell, I'll be there."

6 comments:

CANRAC said...

I hear some of the fruitcakes have been loaded with nuts for shrapnel.

Peppie said...

And the centers have been hollowed out and filled with skunk juice.

CANRAC said...

Planes will also be dropping what appear to be leaflets which are actually commemerative threat letters.

Husker said...

And they will taint the water system with French's Mustard and blame it on the totally innocent Dratsum...their favorite fall guy.

General Mills said...

Hey wait a minute! Aren't the OTBL guys the same people whose Hudson school board candidate came in 5th out of 6 (yet OTBL claimed it a victory) and whose New Richmond candidates resigned from that school board? That's 2 strikes against them. What do they have left to battle with?

Chicken Heart said...

Still in the otbl arsenal (emphasis on "arse")are an inexhaustible amount of hot air, bundles of baloney and a late night phone call or two.