10 Reasons Why Jack Bauer Wants To Implement The Do Group Alert System at New Richmond School Board Meetings

1. At the last school board meeting Bauer showed up wearing the same constipated frown as Bill B.
2. At the last Do Group meeting, Bauer demanded that each school building be named after former school district principals.
3. Bauer says "I can't even spell 'paralegal'."
4. Lives by motto: "When in doubt, blame everybody but Bill and Judy."
5. Three words: Ax To Grind.
6. Whenever he goes under cover, Bauer cross-dresses and uses the name Connie.
7. Bauer's top advisors are a a bunch of anonymous bloggers who spend all their free time attacking hardworking, dedicated members of the community and then whine when the community slaps back.
8. Bauer likes to wear a button that says, "Pat, what is a Taj Mahal?"
9. Bauer wants to open meetings singing his version of "Mandy," instead of saying the Pledge Allegiance.
10.The "24" stands for the temperature at which Bauer gets in his car and drives by the New Richmond Middle at 7:15 in the morning to see how many kids don't want to stand inside the heated waiting area.