10/16/2006

New Scientific Element Discovered


A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
The heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium. Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take over four days
to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's Mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

From A Reader:

This is funny stuff. Public employees are "peons" and "morons"!!

Gotta love it.

Can you start submitting some of this thoughtful writing to OTBL too? They eat this stuff up.

Oh, and remind me not to come to this blog again.

funny guy said...

Anonymous,

Sometimes you have to learn to laugh
at yourself too. If you've read other stuff on this blog it doesn't usually
make fun of public employees. Lighten up, and come back for the good stuff.

Anonymous said...

You're right, this post is not good stuff. I'm glad you can admit that much. So why post crappy stuff? You got nothing better to do? Can't think of anything worthwhile to add to the public discourse?

This post is not even remotely funny and, as someone who knows a lot of public employees, I'm not about to laugh at them or, as you say, at "myself" - so sorry I can't lighten up for you, funny(?)man.

At least you admit that you don't "usually" make fun of public employees on this blog. Just sometimes???

Stinky blog, stinky blog.

Admin said...

A reader sent this post in.

We rarely edit or delete a comment to a post and we usually post what readers submit. Seems to be an open policy for open discussion.

This isn't FOX News.

Are you saying public employees are above being the butt of satire?

From the comments on another recent post, it appears only people in favor of public schools can be appointed to fill vacanct positions on school boards.

Sounds like someone isn't open to different perspectives.

E-mail your ideas to atbl1@yahoo.com.

Variety is the spice of life. Spice can lead to indigestion. Take a Tums and think about it.

Anonymous said...

Satire? Is that what this is? Very well done, Charley. "You are a moron!" See, I am a satirist too. It's easy!

I'm open to all types of perspectives. But taking a cheap shot at public servants (under the guise of humor/satire) is just pathetic, tums or no tums.

That's my perspective. You got a problem with that?

Stinky, stinky.

funny guy said...

Anonymous,

FYI, I AM a public employee and I seem to be able to take this joke, why can't you? As Admin says this isn't
FOX NEWS (or it's antithesis).
If the TUMS won't let you lighten up,
maybe a few suger cubes will do it.

You say "I'm open to all types of perspectives." Then why is it off limits to poke fun at public employees.
I'm all in favor of public servants. I think they get a bad rap. But that doesn't mean they are off limits.
The bloggers here laugh at just about everyone, with emphasis on the closed minded OTBLers. Please don't act like one of them. Do you think the admin should censor something like this? That's what the OTBL admin would do.

norseman said...

funny guy
Goooood point. Especially about the OTBL. Their belief I in the freedom of their speech, and anyone that falls in line with them, but most certainly not the freedom of speech for anyone that would have a differing opinion.

Anonymous said...

admin and funny guy:

Now you are losing me. Your perspective is that this piece is humorous satire. My perspective is that it is offensive and not in the least bit humorous. Won't you allow me to state my perspective on your posting? Why jump all over me because my opinion differs from yours? I thought this was an blog open to individual opinions. Apparently, that is not the case when someone's opinion is different than yours.

funny guy, if you are a public employee and you are defending the right for someone to call you a moron, then I think you need some help in the self-respect department. If you are Jewish, I bet you like a good dirty Jew joke now and then too. All in the name of humor/satire, of course.

As for censorship, this is not a newspaper and I am not the government - so censorship is not the issue. The issue is what this blog admin wants to post on his blog. If it is offensive to a person and that person tells him about it, maybe he ought to accept that as one person's opinion.

Funny Guy said...

Anon,

I have taken note that you find this post offensive. It shall be recorded as such. Nobody has curtained you from
expressing the opinion that you find this offensive. Personally, I make many jokes about rightwing Republican wingnut facists. I'm willing to bet they find them offensive. So, my perspective is, if I can dish it out, I should be able to take it back when the other side expresses negative sentiments against my kind. There are times when I may even see a kernel of truth in what they are saying if taken from their perspective.
I generally consider myself to be on the left. Yet one of the things that irks me about the left is how easily they are offended by the slightest criticism.
So again I say lighten up. I think you'll survive this affront to your sensiblities without any permanent
damage to your psyche.

Both Sides Now said...

We are having the person who submitted this post drawn and quartered as we speak. All satire is not funny. I wouldn't say Jonathan Swift was particularly funny, but he was one of the definers of the importance of using satire.

You are entitled to your opinion and comments here and this would be offensive to some public employees. I don't know if you've noticed this in you dealings people working, but I've noticed numerous examples of lazy, incompentent idiots and morons working in the public sector. Likewise, I've noticed the same thing with a percentage of people working in the private sector. I've seen lazy and shiftless people working for the unions and I've seen the same type of people working in non-union jobs.

Luke said...

The reason there are no "left wing nuts," is because they haven't any balls.

Funny Guy said...

Speaking of Morons:

A listing of some of President Bush's more famous quotes:

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"Public speaking is very easy."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

Flip Flopper said...

Isn't Bush a public employee? Stinky, stinky...

The real Hudson obverver said...

Isn't Bush a public employee?
Do you really think he could pass a civil service exam?

norseman said...

Luke? Luke?? Luke??? ..... Now if this is the luke that we all know and love, or at least one of the posters from the OTBL the comment would be inappropriate since that Luke doesn't have any (balls that is).