JACK BAUER HIJACKS BORDERLINE TO BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

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The OTBL Doctors of Liberty have convened a cloistered enclave to sort out the new direction being paved for OTBL by newcomer Jack Bauer. For years, OTBL has been known as a bastion of intellectualism - granting doctorates to only the upper layer of the intellectual elite. Mr. Bauer threatens to upset the ivory tower with a new focus on NASCAR, cowboys and country music. "Are we great thinkers or are we rednecks?" fretted Dr. Admin, "I'm afraid we might lose our cut-n-paste ivy league identity."

Dr. Bubonic's main concern was that he would need to start dropping his g's. "Verily, I say, it will be most difficult to remember to write eatin' and drinkin' and huntin' and fishin' and collectivizin'."

Dr. Wheeze was steeled in his resolve to continue being smarter than the average bear. "Trailer trash is incapable of making decisions on their own without my guidance. I didn't earn this degree to have it's value diluted by a bunch of mullet-headed hillbillies who think they know which way to the outhouse."

Dr. Bil voiced similar concerns. "I've always prided myself in avoiding talk of a class envy. I'm a common man of the people - despite my stratospheric IQ. I come from Eau Claire where huntin' and fishin' and trappin' and snowmobilin' is a rite of passage for any red-blooded American boy. So I can relate to Mr. Bauer's love of the cowboy life. I even took a class in college about electrical current. The professor taught me everything I know today about AC/DC."

Dr. Conn seemed fine with the latest developments. "Guns, guns, guns! Yeehah!!" he spat.

The Doctors concluded the enclave with a resolution to require Jack Bauer to spend 60 hours with psychiatrist Dr. Lucy van Pelt - to work through his issues with doctors, intellectualism, and well-hung cowboys.

Developing ...