Why Daddy Is A Patriot

11. Daddy is sick of mommy's liberal BS like telling him to use a condom or let her get some birth control pills.

10. When Daddy goes on fishing trips with his buddies, the only thing they do besides fish is drink and the first thing he does when he gets back is to make Mommy clean the fish and get him a beer.

9. Because Daddy thinks Mommy should be "fulfilled" just raising children and living in a double-wide. Besides daycare is more expensive than beer.

8. Daddy likes to handle his guns when he's been drinking and says the 2nd Amendment and Jack Daniels gave him the right.

7. Even though he doesn't have un pot à pisser dedans, Daddy thinks homeless people are criminals, rich people deserve big tax cuts and Mommy should be treated like a slave.

6. The government withholds over half of daddy's paycheck to pay for alimony for the other two ex-wives who say he is a selfish pig. Mommy says that too, but only when Daddy is on a fishing trip.

5. Daddy deals with grown-ups all day who think they are smarter than him because they have a GED. He doesn't think he should have to come home and put up with a wife who can balance a checkbook.

4. Daddy likes oil-based products and has obviously suffered enough brain damage from the fumes to make him angry at others with different colored skin or the ability to do simple math.

3. Daddy believes that his white skin makes him a supreme being who is of a higher world order than Orpah Winfrey, etc.

2. Daddy says free trade allows provides good imported booze, cheap electronics and fast sports cars. When I asked why we drives a 1986 Chevy Cavalier with a cassette player and Old Milwuakee by the case, he tells me to shutup if I know what's good for me.

1. Daddy is a mean SOB and says he hopes someday Mommy will learn to just shut up and listen like I'm learning to do.

0. On Saturday mornings, when Mommy tries to stop Daddy from leaving the house, he likes to push her out of the way and say things in French like "Obtenir la baise hors de ma manière, vous slut ignorant. Je vais manger des crêpes et des oeufs brouillés avec Grover. "