Space is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Originally published Jan. 06.
File Under: Satire
As adults it’s our responsibility to set a good example for our children and young people, to set rules and pass laws that create a better society for the benefit of those who follow us. That's why we NEED a Conceal and Carry law. We can all feel safer knowing that the person who just cut us off in traffic or signaled an obscene gesture could be packing heat. It’d be a new day for every Wisconsin citizen.

So if the conceal and carry law is good for adults and society at large, it just makes good common sense that the same rules should be applied to our children to build a better world. It’s in this spirit I’d like to make a modest proposal. I like to offer for consideration, that public schools adopt a new ground breaking program, Conceal and Carry for Kids.

The benefits of this proposed program are far-reaching and best of all, fiscally responsible.

Space is a terrible thing to waste. Year after year, public school enrollment continues to increase. There’s no end in sight according to the projections of the government demographers. The citizens of this community are being taxed to the point of bleeding and if the problem continues will not even be able to afford duck tape to cover the wounds.

Conceal and Carry for Kids is the obvious solution to this dilemma . Our projections show that if Conceal and Carry for Kids is adopted, there may never be a need to build new government educational infrastructure, ever.

According to the projections, each year student enrollment could drop as much as 7 to 10 % as a result of gun violence. Just think of the cost savings. With fewer students, we need fewer teachers with even fewer health and retirement benefits. And there may be no need to fire, lay off, or wait for teacher retirements because, thank God, teachers are subject to the same population thinning hostility and carnage as the students.

And the cost savings reach far beyond that, in unanticipated ways. We’ve all read how many inner city schools spend huge amounts of money to install metal detectors and hire government police force liasons to prevent students from bringing there favorite weapon to school. With Conceal and Carry for Kids, problem solved. With no rules against concealed weapons at school, no need for metal detectors, no need for even a K-Mart Cop. No district will be hiring psychologists to deal with bullying. Students will take personal responsibility for the problem. If bullying occurs, BAM!! Instant bully removal and an lower student to teacher ratio as a by- product.

In closing, if you want a better world for the youngsters, support Conceal and Carry for Kids, contact you local school board members, church leaders, and government school administrators and let them know it’s time for a change, it’s time for Conceal and Carry for Kids.

Hopefully paid for and endorsed by the WRA. (WI- Rifle Association).