Attention Internet Nut Capitalists!

Russian Comrades Gobbling Record Quantities of U.S. Goobers

WESTERN WISCONSIN (AP), Annoyed by four years of tumbling sales, Internet peanut capitalists are encouraged by what they hope will become a growing market in Russia, a trend that would benefit Internet nut capitalists with Russian connections.

While the socialist slackers in Canada are the leading importer of U-S peanuts, the Russian Federation climbed to tenth place in 2005 and has already nearly doubled that in the first half of this year.

Western Wisconsin leads the nation with the highest concentration of Internet nuts with Russian connections. Peter Pan, publisher of a peanut industry newsletter, says exporting nuts to Russia is a shower of golden opportunity.

Some believe Russians are buying more U-S peanuts because Venezuelan-grown peanuts have found to be covered with socialist scum. As Russian society becomes wealthier and the Internet more popular, the snack-food industry has been expanding as the male population stays up later at night buying cheap Viagra online and scrutinizing comments posted on an unnamed western Wisconsin blog site. Still, while the Russians may be eating more snack nuts and candy bars loaded with U-S peanuts, experts say they do NOT appear ready to embrace common sense anymore then their comrade Internet bloggers in western Wisconsin.

Order your nuts now in time for Russia's newest holiday - Day of the National Unity -on November 4. Remember, you can order your nuts in cans, jars or in a bundle -- the preferred method of western Wisconsin Internet nut capitalists.

Order your goobers online @ Nuts Online.com.