Ask Ayn Randers
Dear Ayn,
What will the face of the new police chief look like when being asked what he has done about the Devin Willi threat letter and the June 14 2005 school board meeting fiasco?
Dear N.,
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8/15/2006
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29 comments:
Dear Ayn:
I notice Luke keeps asking about the Willie threat letter? Do you suppose Luke wrote the letter? Do you suppose Luke called the Ellsworth Tea Party guy and reamed him over the phone last Arpil? Luke seems the most concerned about this question and I notice no one really wastes time making comments on those posts anymore.
Dear signed maybe he's got an obsession,
YES!
Thanks for writing to my column.
Maybeeeee "Luke" the sickly obsesssssed should call the retired Chief, and talk like a man??? rather than act like a true coward. But then He/she?? is that.
Luke...Luke...Luke...luke....... where are you?????????????????
Ask 100 people in Hudson if they care about the Devin Willi threat letter, if your lucky one "might" say yes. Talk about obsessed.
And get an expert forensics expert who will give an opinion? Somebody else can hire another, pay more, and get a different opinion.
What they need to realize about getting tossed from a school board meeting for being unruly, or who authored the Devin Willi threat letter is that NOBODY CARES anymore.
I know one person that still cares.
Why else would he bring it up at least once a month?
AND THAT IS THE REST OF THE STORY, GOOOOOOD NIGHT FOLKS.
You know as well as I that the Willi threat letter was written by one of the apologists for the socialist schools in Hudson. This POS used this letter to smear the good character of those concerned citizens in Hudson who are looking out for the best interests of the taxpayers - those good citizens who actually care about the people on a fixed income who cannot afford to be taxed out of their meager homes to appease the communist desires of the tax-me-mores in this town. Once the evidence is revealed - which will be very soon, I assure you - the identity of this socialist scum will be announced to the world and he will be driven into the hole in which he belongs. As always, we concerned citizens will continue our crusade to bury the socialists in this town.
Dear Ayn:
Last week I has driving down Second Street in Hudson after the big rain. As I approach the green light, it turned yellow so a sped up. There was a big puddle by the curb at the crosswalk with an old lady waiting to cross. I cut around the car making a left turn and splashed the old lady. I looked in the mirror and she was drenched.
I continued on down the street, but I was really mad. Does she have the right to make me mad like that? If she would have been born rich, she would have been in a chauffeur driven car in Florida. Do you think I should contact the manager of her low income housing unit and try to get her convicted? After all, she ruined my day.
Dear Luke O. Nimous,
From what you've desribed, there is no
doubt in my mind that the woman you drenched was a member of the Hudson Social Ballast Society. You should consider yourself lucky that she didn't excercise her 2nd Amendment Rights with you.
That said, the bigger quesion is, "How can we find a opportunity to build wealth for you from her incompetence?"
My suggestion is to document events like these, and to write a book, exposing the plight of the Wealth Building concern citizens in this town. Surely, the public will take pity on you and your kind and you will be able to retire early from the proceeds.
Dear Luke,
You seem to be suffering from the effects of deeply repressed emotions.
I suggest you tell people how you really feel in a safe environment, like this blog. Next time, let it all hang out, don't be afraid, we are no threat to you.... Unleashing that pent up anger will be kathartic.
"Luke"
You are such an imposter. There is only one true Luke in this town and it's me. From your writing it is clear that you yourself are just a socialist apologist for public education. You are once again trying to make us concerned citizens look bad by writing things that look bad to some but look good to others while everyone knows that we are really good people who sometimes say things that make us look bad but on some level actually are good to some people who are good but are sometimes bad. This is clearly a conspiracy.
So Fake Luke don't try to make me look bad by using my name and saying these threatening things that I would normally say myself using my alias but not have the guts to say outloud while I am at church pretending that I am good but really am bad in my heart.
When all the evidence comes out - which I personally assure you will be sooner rather than later but in no event later than the day I say it will be in some future posting which I assure you I will be making sometime in the future - it will become clear that all the bad stuff that has been said has really been said by you socialist apologists in an attempt to make us concerned citizens look badder than we really want people to think that we are but really are but don't want people to think that.
Enough said.
Liz
Dear Ayn:
This morning I gazed into my crystal ball to the year 2076 and I saw a posting by my own feeble hand slandering a long dead retired, Hudson police chief about not solving the infamous "Willie threat letter" caper from 2005. I saw my computer desk littered with peanut shells and my keyboard splattered with prune juice. I scrolled back through the OTBL archives and realized that no one had commented on my Luke posts since early in 2006.
Fear gripped my, as I held my Sponge Bob doll close to my heartless chest and I asked myself -- there was no one else in the house, as they were out acquiring capital so I could have internet access -- did that old lady I douched with my car get in touch with the Star-Observer and the other 70,205 socialist scum in the St. Croix River Valley and conspire to ignore me for the next 70 years?
Luke...Luke....Luke, did you forget to take your medication again??? Now you were told to take your madication and there you go with all these ideas that these buffoons that you found on the internet were really forensic experts. MY..MY....MY you are so delusional. Don't tell me that you'll be off being naughty with all your friends again. Tisk... Tisk.... Tisk, you'll just find yourself in court if you're naughty.
Medication?? I don't need no stinkin' medication!!
Everyone knows that parents who allow their children to take medication should be shocked with a shock collar every time their kid swallows a pill! I don't want that to happen to my mom.
Sincerely,
Norman Bates
woo-woo-woo-wooooooo!!!!
I'd like to thank the readers of my column for their overwelming response.
As was my intention, I see that I have drawn out the intellectual element of the St. Croix Valley. A special thanks to all you Lukes. Well done everyone. Keep those cards and letters coming.
Oh my goodness. I mistakenly misidentified my misidentity.
I meant Ayn Randers! Please excuse the error :-)
Andy Whatever, you can run but you can hide. I will track you down and purge that socialist satire scum from every pore of your collective soul...even if it takes me till 2176!
Conventional Wizdum:
That's the spirit!!!
Thanks Josh,
That's very kind of you. Perhaps we'll
meet some day.
Dear Ayn:
This morning I got up early around 9 AM. The house was quiet because everybody was out building wealth. I logged on to OTBL and noticed that nobody left any comments on my CARNAC posts. It depressed me so I ate a couple of cans of peanuts leftover from the holiday rush, went back to bed, slept till noon, took an hour for lunch and took off the afternoon.
Since I cancelled my subscription to the Hooterville Socilaist Oracle, I have found that I have freed up more time to concentrate on my CARNAC posts and attack those lazy socialist who are living off my dime -- that's all the wife will give me. That's another reason I cancelled my HSO subscription...well actually it ran out and Mommy won't renew it.
I had thought about going to the library and reading it there, but that is another socialist drain sucking up the wealth of capitalists like me. I do have to admit that a do sneak a peak at the headlines when I ride my trike up to Tom Thumb to buy a pack of Chum Gum. I use to ride by the elementary school, but it creeped me out knowning that all those evil socialist school teachers were on vacation and thinking of more ways to turn my dime into their Cadillac.
My question to you Ayn, is do you think Mommy is infringing on my individual rights when she tells me to quite wasting space on the global internet server with that stupid crap about the former polic cheif, the HSO reporter and the various points of universal importance that I pride myself on informing the blogosphere with. Yesterday she told me that and I got so mad I held my breath until my face turned blue and the hair implants started popping out the the ribbets in Das Boot boat. I was so upset, I could only nap for four hours this afternoon.
Don'tttt you seeee??? The OTBL mob doesn't get it, and most likley never will. Their forte is spewing rhetoric, and fabricating lies. Unfortunatley they really don't comprehend the totality of their statements. Obviously they have absolutely know knowledge of criminal, personnel, and TORT law. But then they may sooooon find out.
Dear Josh,
You obviously haven't read our unposted mission statement. If it were posted you would be able to read about our mission to mock, make fun of, and contradict OTBL at every opportunity, and in the process entertain socialists like yourself. Don't feel bad about being called a Socialist, because by OTBL's definition, if you're not one of them, you're a socialist.
My advice to Lukke Carnac Spirtofbubblegumus N. Onominous is.....
Your mommy certainly does want to limit your pursuit of happyness. When you're not napping or doing research for your carnac posts, you might want to rent Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho to pick up some ideas of how to remedy your situation.
Dear Ayn:
I'm up from my nap and having a few peanuts. Then I'll be taking my late afternoon nap. I will watch Alfred Hitchcock later. I don't really care about the plots, filmed in my favorite colors black and white.
I can't type long, Mommy Dearest will becoming home soon and will put my shock collar back on.
Dear Ayn:
I had the worst itch ever on my hind-end this afternoon. I kept falling over while trying to alleviate my discomfort and as a result fell just-so on my shock collar.
It broke off! Mommy Dearest went to her Lechers Anonymous meeting and will be gone for awhile. Now I am faced with the opportunity of freedom.
What should I do?
-scratch'n-sniff
Dear scratch'n-sniff,
Since you have the opportunity for liberty before you, you should make the most of it. But first you need to understand the true meaning of Liberty.
You must read as many posts on OTBL from Dr.s Bill and SpiritofBS, especially the really long and boring ones that nobody but they fully understand.
Once you've done that, drink plenty of liquids and go to bed. By that time your Mommy dearest will have arrived back home and you will not be faced with the dilemma of being free then you can continue your miserable but secure life as a Socialist Scum and not have to think any more.
Dear Ayn:
Thanks for the advice, it was really helpful. The one part I ask you to omit from future advice-giving might be the 'npart about drinking lots o fluids and then going to bed.
The pain of Mommy Dearest sitting on the shock collar button while being soaked in urine was much worse than usual. But at least it took the focus off that damn itch on my hiney.
-Scratch'n-sniff
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Mark P. would be devastated to learn that!
Dogs mark with pee...
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