REPUBLICAN COMMUNICATOR DECIPHERS DA MUSTARD CODE
Borderline County Republican Communications Director Bob Zipper announced today that he has deciphered Da Mustard Code. At a press conference, non-moderate Mr. Zipper explained his findings, "I found that if I listened to every third word on AirAmericaRadio, and then interpose every seventh letter in the 114th page of Al Franken's book 'Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot,' I can decode the top secret messages that JPN is beaming to his socialist followers." Reporter Bill O'Reilly asked Mr. Zipper if he could provide an example of his breakthrough. Mr. Zipper was happy to oblige, stating, "Recently, JPN said: 'The American Legion Auxiliary is hosting a candidate forum for New Richmond School Board election at 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 15, at the American Legion Hall, 129 High Street. The forum will be moderated by New Richmond News Editor Jeff Holmquist.' When I put this message through my Mustard Decoder Ring it comes out like this: 'crosby, stills .... flowers in hair ... smokin' .... free love ... bush halliburton ... military industrial complex ... hate freedom ... follow marx ... tax everyone ... indoctrinate communism ...unionize populace ...public school monopoly ... burn flag ... hate rove ... WAKE UP WHEN ALARM GOES OFF" Frightened neocons begged Mr. Zipper for advice on how to avoid JPN's libero-mind-beams. Zipper immediately provided plans for the only known protection - The Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.
1 comment:
I'd just like to thank Mr. Zipper for standing up for our president and all those members of his cabinet who decided to fight for oil(Hmm I mean freedom) in Iraq at least 3 years before 9-11. I'd also like to thank Mr. Z. for protecting me from turning gay after reading all the secretly coded socialist messages on this blog.
Mr. Z, if it weren't for people like you, I'd be marching in San Francisco's Gay Pride parade, driving a Volvo, drinking latte's and voting for Russ Feingold. Mr. Z. Thank you for saving me from such a fate. You are an American Hero.
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