Letter To The Editor

Filed under: Politics Local, Education Hudson --- Cute Geese @ 8:38 am
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The following letter was written for the Holy Scared Oracle and not submitted due to the paper’s request. The paper has requested I not do this, because paid subscribers have started complaining that their canaries are suffering from constipation wherever they line their bird cages with my letters.

Dear Editor:

There have been numerous letters written to the paper in support of any number of candidates. Many people don’t realize, with the exception of candidate Jim “Bullet” Baker, that all the other candidates are part of an ever expanding conspiracy that includes the police, the local government, the HSO, the League of Women Voters, various librarians, YMCA, all government school officials and teacher union members suckling the teat of government sponsored larceny. Did I mention the Trilateral Commission and the owners of the Left of Center store?

Many of those same individuals say that our school district “pop fund” is under control yet our school system is making an astonishing amount of money on recycled aluminum cans. This year it is slightly over $11,000 per child. The way we figure it at the OTBL club house, that means each student has to spend $4.5 million on pop annually. If you were to line these empty pop cans up from the superintendent’s office to a certain golf course in Eau Claire, it would make a pile of baloney half the size of my ego. Presently, my allowance is only $1.50 a week. $11,000 is 20 years of allowance for me. In 20 years, my wife will retired and finally realize I’ve spent every weekday morning watching Clifford the Big Red Dog and having fantasies of washing my car with SpongeBob SquarePants. After I get done explaining this to her, I may be forced to get a paper route…but you can bet it won’t be carrying the HSO.

Many of the HSO letter writers over the past several months fall into one of two categories: those who agree with me or the socialist, collectivist, communist idiots. The later group of pond scum either benefits directly as an employee’s spouse’s uncle’s ex-brother-in-law’s former barber or the spouse’s librarian’s sister’s paperboy, or they benefit financially by providing goods and services to barbers and paperboys in the school district or by knowing where the district keeps that damn pop fund can. This also includes many unrelated people who make a living by actually working – a concept, as a self-proclaimed entrepreneur, I find hard to grasp. There are specific reasons why these people would like to see this conspiracy widen to eventually include the school district of my hometown Roswell, New Mexico.

Unlike my friends at www.ontheborderline.net who agree with everything I say – or else -- our school board has made decisions that I don’t agree with and I therefore deem them mistakes, at best, or, more realistically, another small puzzle piece of the entanglements of the underhanded, international conspiracy that may eventually force me to get a part time job and contribute to the tax base. Only as the growth slows and finally stops, will we start to see the white pines once again take root, start pushing their way back up through the deserted back top of our streets of Hudson, rightfully reclaiming the countryside and restoring the St. Croix Valley to the way it was in 1776. Then you will look back and see, as always, I was right and everybody was wrong.
If my boy Jim doesn’t win this election, the conspirators will have won. Soon the chauffeurs of teachers will be taking the food out of students’ mouths and selling it out of the window of their Cadillac to beggars like me on the street.

Only five candidates have voiced any concern at all about moving education forward, improving the curriculum to meet the expanding challenges of a rapidly diversifying world and having an open and honest outlook on the challenges ahead. A vote for any of these five candidates will serve to improve the school system and would do nothing to boost my ego and calm my Type-A agitation and irritability. I realize that most people not reading this will vote for three people. But, knowing that you readers at www.ontheborderline.nut find three to be a really large number – but smaller than the $4.5 million -- I am encouraging you to vote for only one candidate to minimize your confusion and the potential of excess drooling in the voting booth. If you are lucky enough to be a tenth as perfect as me and desire directions to Dr. Bill’s Mississippi Post-Election, Hot Tube party, then I recommend voting for only one person on April 1st- Jim Baker.

Love me!

Cute Geese
Nuts Hudson