
There has been quite a bit of conspiracy here in Hudson about the alleged capacity of the so-called government schools. The district is very conspiratorial when it comes to alleged class sizes and how space is utilized. Rumors are flying like saucers that the district is continuing to bring in students from Elmwood, Wisconsin and Roswell, New Mexico. We continue to add valuable (yes I mean valuable) classes like Why Is There A Pyramid With An Eye In On The Back Of My Dollar Bill and Advanced Austrian Economics For Future Wal-Mart Workers. We continue to add additional administrators like the newly hired coordinator of duct tape removal. We continue to add programs like Basic Building Technics for Free Masons. Still we refuse to allow students to purchase nuts over the Internet. This must be some kind of violation of a Constitutional amendment. And we do all of that while complaining (well at least the John Birchers do) of hardly having enough space in the high school parking lot to park a big ugly truck with the words "Vescere bracis meis" painted on the side of it.
It has been learned that the www.ontheborderline.net has pulled all it's CSI resources currently investigating the mysterious threat letter and put them to work investigate the conspiracies swirling around the plan for another school referendum.


In investigating the so-called "building committee," the OTBL investigators have discovered a newsletter indicating what they thought was the maximum capacity of our schools 25 kids. As you can see, our current facility, pictured on the left, should be able to hold up to 30 kids and maybe more with the flu epidemic and many of the children dropping out of school to work in the mines and mills. The school administration is pushing for a fancy, ultra-modern school facility much like that on the right. Can teachers' unions be far behind.

We have independently hired the Mise-Danielson Consulting (MDC) firm from Deliverance, Mississippi. MDC is an educational consulting firm located in the Mississippi backwaters. It generates the majority of its income from internet nut sales, duct tape removal royalties and is a major consumer of horse manure on right-wing Internet sites. MDC did a feasibility study on the need for a new school. What follows are the findings of that study.






After the sound defeat (and I do mean SOUND) of the November 2003 referendum, the board went back to the drawing board and came up with this palace of a facility. We devise a plan that even faked us out. Our plan came about after we formed a 23-member, blogger hot tub party and got to work. With the firm of MDC doing all the heavy lifting, we bloggers got into hot tub and realized that "space utilization" couldn't be a problem at the school. Afterall, if we could get 23 OTBL'ers in a 15-person hot tub and still have room for a Rebel flag, there should be no problem with space at the school.
To my astonishment MDC refigured our capacity and came up with a total of 32 kids! They is with the flu epidemic in full swing and, we just learned the Supreme court has overturned those Marxist child labor laws. Space definitely isn't an issue.
I have publicly questioned these findings in the Holy Scared Oracle (HSO) and in a graffiti post I did out at the truck stop on Exit 4. I've yet to get a call on that one. Of course certain wives of OnTheBorderLine husbands have maintained that they have no clue as to what their husbands are doing typing on the computers at 2 AM in their boxer shorts. If fact one wife, said her husband said he was going to be the next Tom Paine. She told him he was halfway there -- now he just had to work on the Tom part.

For a satirical version of this post, click here.
JPN,
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad that you put that link into the satirical version of this post.
The borderliner version is 20 times funnier than the one on your site. Thanks, I really needed a good laugh.
That's my job, as an unbias, internet blog site administrator.
ReplyDelete