
Killbear: Welcome back to the Killbear Rapport. I'm your host Chris
Killbear. Tonight's guest is Mr. A. Scaired, who writes riveting prose
on a blog under the pen name N. Onimous. Welcome Mr. Scaired.
Scaired: Shut up!
Killbear: Mr. Scaired, you often use tough talk to slam anyone who
doesn't agree with your radical views.
Scaired: That's right!
Killbear: Yet, you write anonymously, so your threats are meaningless.
Scaired: What's your point? Shut up!
Killbear: In your writings you strictly guard your own anonymity.
Scaired: That's right!
Killbear: Yet, when someone doesn't agree with you, you go out of your
way to "out" their identity or claim they are biased because they are
part of the "system."
Scaired: What's your point? Shut up!
Killbear: In your writings you claim that no one dares debate you on
your ideas.
Scaired: That's right!
Killbear: Yet, people who hold other views are not allowed on your
blog, so they have no way to debate you.
Scaired: What's your point? Shut up!
Killbear: You expect taxpayers to be grateful for "everything you have
done" for them.
Scaired: That's right!
Killbear: Yet, you seem to be the only one patting yourself on the
back.
Scaired: What's your point? Shut up!
Killbear: Mr. Scaired, when you encounter one of your opponents on the
street, you get in their face and call them a "piece of shinola."
Scaired: That's right!
Killbear: Yet, you have undergone intense psychotherapy which has
uncovered deep-seated issues regarding your perceived self-worth. Your
traumatic childhood, ostracized adolescence and unstable adult
experiences left you with a feeling of personal failure and
self-loathing. Deep down, you believe that you are made of a
shinola-based product which you try to counter by lashing out at
authority figures.
Scaired: (sob)
Killbear: Ladies and Gentlemen, in bookstores everywhere, please pick
up a copy of Mr. A. Scaired's latest compilation: "N. Onimous: I Hate
Myself So Shut Up!"
Scaired: (sob)
Killbear: God man, pull yourself together.