Local Blog Brainiacs Wrestle Over Global Economics
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1/07/2007
HSO Changes Policy
Over a year ago I made a comment that the only reason On The Borderline bloggers have sex is to produce enough additional bloggers so the two guys doing all the post at OTBL won't have to remember five anonymous names each. I suppose the hope is to help populate the idiocracy that is OTBL...sort of like what Jim Jones was shooting for in Jonestown. That might also explain their addiction to Kool-aid...
Comments by OTBL blogger Spiritofwetmypantsicus more than makes my point. "Spirit" told a reporter that his gerbil was inspired by the sight of OTBL blogger Car-nac running around the house wearing a pink headband with a fist full of his favorite nuts. There is one problem, Max Fill's gerbil reported him to the social workers. Maybe the gerbil would like to theorize what happened to what happened to the crayons used to print an infamous letter.
The toilet paper tube chew talk around Carnac's gerbil's cage must get pretty, well, depressing...considering all the bullshit generated there.
1/06/2007
Hu's on First?
Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this the day after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Why Borderline Mommas Don't Go To The Government School Parent -Teacher Conferences
Conceived in a gas station bathroom, and born in the back of a station wagon in the Bowlarama parking lot on league night. This little honey was raised on the four basic food groups (meatwiches, oleo, government cheese, and beer).
Possessed of an I.Q. that makes her ancestors proud, she is the first of her family to make it through the third grade. She would have finished the fourth if she had not made the mature decision to stay home with her first born son.
Also a model working Mom, even after a hard day gathering carts at the Honk & Holler, she still finds time to carve and fry the Christmas Bologna.
"When Momma heard about the "Free Market", things got a whole lot better at home."
My sister got a doll that looks just like Momma! You can get one too! Order here:
1/05/2007
Why Daddy Is A Patriot
11. Daddy is sick of mommy's liberal BS like telling him to use a condom or let her get some birth control pills.
10. When Daddy goes on fishing trips with his buddies, the only thing they do besides fish is drink and the first thing he does when he gets back is to make Mommy clean the fish and get him a beer.
9. Because Daddy thinks Mommy should be "fulfilled" just raising children and living in a double-wide. Besides daycare is more expensive than beer.
8. Daddy likes to handle his guns when he's been drinking and says the 2nd Amendment and Jack Daniels gave him the right.
7. Even though he doesn't have un pot à pisser dedans, Daddy thinks homeless people are criminals, rich people deserve big tax cuts and Mommy should be treated like a slave.
6. The government withholds over half of daddy's paycheck to pay for alimony for the other two ex-wives who say he is a selfish pig. Mommy says that too, but only when Daddy is on a fishing trip.
5. Daddy deals with grown-ups all day who think they are smarter than him because they have a GED. He doesn't think he should have to come home and put up with a wife who can balance a checkbook.
4. Daddy likes oil-based products and has obviously suffered enough brain damage from the fumes to make him angry at others with different colored skin or the ability to do simple math.
3. Daddy believes that his white skin makes him a supreme being who is of a higher world order than Orpah Winfrey, etc.
2. Daddy says free trade allows provides good imported booze, cheap electronics and fast sports cars. When I asked why we drives a 1986 Chevy Cavalier with a cassette player and Old Milwuakee by the case, he tells me to shutup if I know what's good for me.
1. Daddy is a mean SOB and says he hopes someday Mommy will learn to just shut up and listen like I'm learning to do.
0. On Saturday mornings, when Mommy tries to stop Daddy from leaving the house, he likes to push her out of the way and say things in French like "Obtenir la baise hors de ma manière, vous slut ignorant. Je vais manger des crêpes et des oeufs brouillés avec Grover. "
OTBL Trailerhome School Recommends...
Don't make your kids learn to read,
when there's a doll that can think for them?
New Congress discusses additional federal holidays
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.
Junk science exposed: Report rips Exxon Mobil on global warming
A report released Wednesday by a science advocacy group says Exxon Mobil Corp. spent nearly $16 million between 1998 and 2005 to fund skeptic groups that misled the public on the science behind climate change.
The report by the Union of Concerned Scientists says the Irving-based oil giant funneled the money to a network of 43 advocacy organizations whose goal is to spread inaccurate information about global warming.
Exxon Mobil, is a statement issued to the Dallas Business Journal Wednesday, said it has found many of the conclusions in the report to be inaccurate.
The company also said it publishes a complete list of the organizations it supports on its Web site.
"With regard to support Exxon Mobil provides to various public policy organizations, our support extends to a fairly broad array of organizations that research significant domestic and foreign policy issues and promote discussion on issues of direct relevance to the company," the company said in a statement. "As most of these organizations are independent of their corporate sponsors and are tax-exempt, our financial support does not connote any substantive control over or responsibility for the policy recommendations or analyses they produce."
Read more!
On this day in 1914: Ford announces wage hike
In 1914 the Ford Motor Company announced that it would henceforth pay eligible workers a minimum wage of $5 a day (compared to an average of $2.34 for the industry) and would reduce the work day from nine hours to eight, thereby converting the factory to a three-shift day. Overnight Ford became a worldwide celebrity. People either praised him as a great humanitarian or excoriated him as a mad socialist. Ford said humanitarianism had nothing to do with it. Previously profit had been based on paying wages as low as workers would take and pricing cars as high as the traffic would bear. Ford, on the other hand, stressed low pricing (the Model T cost $950 in 1908 and $290 in 1927) in order to capture the widest possible market and then met the price by volume and efficiency. Ford's success in making the automobile a basic necessity turned out to be but a prelude to a more widespread revolution. The development of mass-production techniques, which enabled the company eventually to turn out a Model T every 24 seconds; the frequent reductions in the price of the car made possible by economies of scale; and the payment of a living wage that raised workers above subsistence and made them potential customers for, among other things, automobiles--these innovations changed the very structure of society.
Read more!
1/04/2007
On the execution of Saddam Hussein
"The killing of the guilty is not the way to rebuild justice and reconcile society, rather there is a risk of nourishing the spirit of revenge and inciting fresh violence."
Vatican spokesperson Fr. Federico Lombardi S.J.,
Source: Holy See Press Office
Thoughts from on the borderline
"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."
- Robert Wilensky
On this day in 1493: Outsourcing begins
Christopher Columbus returned to Europe from the New World with six Native Americans he believed were from India, hence he called them "Indians."
1/03/2007
Feel Like You're Under Attack When You Are Giving The Community The Runaround?
Protect your ankles from the vermin and riffraff trudging through the gutters on the borderline.
These ANKLE BITERS come in colors that will match the silliest head band you dare wear out of the house!
If you buy before July 4, 1776, we will throw one month's worth of On The Borderline's poop pickup service. You've always known OTBL has been able to dish it out, this will prove they can pick it up...
1/02/2007
TRIM - The Concentrated Conservative Diet Drink
The New Year is less than 24hrs. old and your Resolution to to trim your taxes by 90% is in jeoprody already. The Evil Socialists are once more ready to pick you pocket clean, and it's all because of Democracy.
When will people learn the truth, that our Founding Fathers feared Democracy as much as the tyranny of the King. Curse those evil democrats. They think they can make decisions limiting our freedom, just by winning an election?
But don't dispair. The enterprising alchemists at Trim have concocted an elixer that will brain wash even socialists faster the honey drips from your sweaty fingers on a hot summer's day. Slip that Socialist neighbor of yours an ice cold can a TRIM at you next holiday barbacue. He'll change his tune faster than you can switch his radio dial from the Prarie Home Companion to the Rush Limbaugh Show.
Order a 6 pack of TRIM today at: DemocracySux.com
or call the Trimline direct at 1-666-No-Vote.
Our Holiday Special's been held over this week only:
Get A free misinterpretation of Jame's Madison's Federalist Essay #10
with every six pack purchase. Order today, You'll be glad you did.
1/01/2007
Increase your word power in 2007!
Endorsed by all six of the bloggers at ontheborderline.nut!
Are you tired of having to address concerned citizens attending public meetings with phrases like "Get out of my way you piece of shit."
Does it look like you're the "I" in "idiot," when the best shot you can blog about the opposition is calling them "socialist scum."
You can change all that in 2007. With this simple little book, you can expand your vocabulary to an impressive level. Before you know it, your friends will be commenting on your ebullience and complimenting you on you equanimity.
No longer will your canoe trips be ruined by your toothless, snuff-juice dribbling hillbilly blogging clan members calling you an ignorant redneck. Soon they will recognize you as a sesquipedalian winebibber who obviously is a saxicolus penultimate.
Words like "statism" and "parapraxia" will drip from your lips like honey on a hot summer day. When your neighbor tells you you are a "frigging fruitcake," you be able to confidently correct him and point out that you'd prefer to be called an "anomalistic callipygian."
Act now, supply is limited. If you order by July 4, 1776, you can be on your way to becoming a proficuous sesquipedalian for the parsimonious price of $6.66. If you purchase this before the next school board election, will throw in a roll of red, white and blue duct tape -- perfect for wearing outside you neighborhood polling place.
Does it work? Read on...
"After reading this book and putting these words to use, the spelling checking option on my computer started on fire!"
-- Luke Car-Nac
(three of the six OTBL bloggers)
"I'd give it two thumbs up, except I've already got two thumbs up my accoutrement."
--Max Fill
(two of the six OTBL bloggers)
"It's got to be good, it wrote it."
--Lil Bil
World Class Mis-Prognostications
Looking Back:
Preditions for 2003
PEGGY NOONAN
Eyes on the Prize
Iraq's liberation will be the biggest good thing to happen since 9/11.
Monday, March 24, 2003 12:01 a.m. EST
It is going to mean, first, that something good happened. This sounds small but is huge. The West has been depressed since Sept. 11, 2001. It has been torn, riven. It has been a difficult time. The coming victory is going to be the biggest good thing that has happened in the world, the West and the United States since the twin towers fell.
The deeper meaning there is that we are witnessing a triumph of activism over fatalism. Victory will remind the world that faith and effort trump ennui and despair. It will demonstrate to the civilized world that the good do not have to see themselves as at the inevitable mercy of barbarians. It will demonstrate that we are not part of a long and unstoppable slide, that we can move forward and win progress, that we don't have to cower in blue suits behind the Security Council desk. We can straighten up, join together and make things better.
An American victory is going to remind the world, too, that while many have tended to see terror states and terror groups as talented, disciplined and competent, they are not, always. The reigning Iraqi claque has been revealed, or so it seems, to be what many of us hoped it was: a house of cards. It is not bad for the world to see it collapse.
Another thing, and a crucially important one. The United States is showing to the world, to its friends and foes, that it will pay a high price to make the world better. We will put it all on the line. This country is, still, the place that will take responsibility when no one else will. In this our entire country is like the firemen of 9/11 who looked up, saw the burning towers and charged. In the past few days, weeks and months, America charged. It has a lot to be proud of. (Being America it will soon be beating itself up again, but it should take some time over the next few weeks to feel the healthy pride it's earned.)
With Iraq taken care of the United States will be able to move with enhanced strength toward an Arab-Israeli peace that might last. There are those who say Mr. Bush cannot move forcefully here because his base is composed in part of Christian Evangelicals deeply enamored of Israel. And so it is. But with victory in Baghdad Mr. Bush's base widens, and it will damage him not at all either in the world or domestically to come out strong and do what needs to be done.
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